To Get Your Free , Yes Free flying Lesson!
A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying,
and about flying when he's with a woman.
A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
"Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It's difficult to arrange on short notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and someone's always looking at their watch."
A flight attendant is on the red-eye to Manitoba when a water leak develops in the galley, which eventually soaks the carpet throughout the aft cabin of the 747. A very sleepy woman who becomes aware of the dampness tugs at the attendant's skirt as she passes by. "Has it been raining?" she asks the flight attendant. Keeping a straight face, she replies, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the woman then goes back to sleep.
The best joke I know dealing with the word Superman is the true story about Muhammand Ali. Once he was on an airplane. The flight attendant came and asked him to buckle his seatbelt. He replied, "Superman don't need no seatbelt." She responded, "Superman don't need no plane."
An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served. When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything. He replied, "Oh no, thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol." The elderly doctor promptly handed back his gin and tonic to the air-hostess and said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."
Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills.
Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.
The propellor is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em back off.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere you brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.
Every one already knows the definition of a good landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a great landing. It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
Sorry folks for the hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphault.
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer,"I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed back there when my wife fell out."
A door-to-door salesman calls a house and a little boy answers the phone whispering "Hello?" "Yes" the salesman says, "May I speak to your Mother?" "No" says the boy still whispering "She is busy" "OK may I speak to your Father" "No, he's busy too." "Well is there anybody else there?" asks the salesman "Yes." the boy whispers, "There are 5 cops and 15 firemen." "Well son, let me speak to one of the cops. "I can't", says the boy, "they are all busy." "Ok, how about one of the firemen ?" "No" the boy whispers, "they are all busy." "What the hell are they doing?" asks the salesman "Well", the boy whispers "right now they're looking for me."
A lady buys a coach ticket on a plane bound for Jamaica and proceeds to sit down in 1st Class. A stewardess asks her to move back to coach but the woman looks at the stewardess and just says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm riding in 1st class to Jamaica. Flustered, the stewardess asks the copilot for help. He says, "Excuse me, may I see your ticket?" After glancing at the ticket he says to the blonde, "I'm sorry but you'll have to move back to the coach section of the plane." "No" she says, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm riding 1st class to Jamaica!" Not sure just what to do, the copilot tells the pilot about the matter. "Not to worry" says the pilot, who gets up and walks back to 1st class where the blonde is seated. The pilot leans over and whispers in the blonde's ear upon which she stands up, collects her carry-ons, and goes and sits down in her coach section seat. Bewildered, the stewardess and co-pilot ask the pilot, "What did you say to her?" The pilot turns and says,"Oh,Ijust told her 1st class wasn't flying to Jamaica."
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go way ! And let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good!" said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"